Monica: What's Behind Door Number Three?
By Judith C. Dorchester
March 12, 1999
Where to begin?
How about with Monica and her feckless two-hour attempt to portray herself as something other than an amoral, giggling, self-serving dimwit - the woman who tried to make giving Lewinskys to a rapist a dignified act of love? This gloss-lipsticked egomaniac waved her manicured, pudgy little hands and tee- heed without ever noticing the incredulity and disgust that periodically washed over Barbara Walters' face. We're told that this calculating Lewinsky- giver watched the sickening two hour taping seated next to her proud father.
Europe is now beating a path to get Monica's signature on Morton's book and, as it turns out, the Walters' interview was not without a payoff after all. Apparently it was the invite to co-host a morning show with Barbara that was the titillating enticement floated before Monica's crafty handlers that did the trick. And why not. Such an offer will raise ratings and suck in an Oprah-numbed nation to see the repackaging as it unfolds in living color. Not a fact to be dismissed lightly. After all, if a lying, cheating, rapist can be repackaged well enough to be elected twice, think what can be done for Monica?
How about a Monica doll packaged with thong underwear, a semen stained navy blue dress with a Gap label, a copy of Leaves of Grass, a copy of Monica's Guide to Successful Phone Sex With An American President, Betty Curry's home phone number, and a personally signed picture of the Monica doll's pride-filled father and mother. A twelve inch doll complete with use instructions and a mane of black hair can only benefit all the young women being pundit instructed to believe that what Monica did wasn't her fault. They remind us how poor Monica became a four-star Lewinsky pro with a married teacher while still in college - and, for whatever reason, overlook commenting on the skill it took to manage an affair with another government honcho inbetween giving Lewinskys to the president of the free world. True, she did become pregnant by the man behind door number two, but with her loving mother's and aunt's help and money, she was able to abort the evidence without so much as a backward glance and return to door number one to continue servicing the President of the United States.
And how did it end for our newest self-serving millionairess? She was wished well (cover for saying "thanks for keeping the real truth to yourself") by the most despicable man ever to occupy the White House during a national press conference as he stood flanked by Old Glory and the flag of Italy. He lowered his eyes, bit his lip and told the world that he wants her to have a good life. In fact, he said, "I hope she'll be permitted to go on with her life."
C'mon America. Wake up. If Monica doesn't have a good life, this time Kenneth Starr will be off the hook. It will be our fault.
This article copyright © 1999 by Judith C. Dorchester and may not be reproduced in any form without the express written consent of its author. All rights reserved.