Smashing Pumpkins (Trick or Treat?)

By Pro-Informed (formerly "riverdance")
Rightgrrl Contributor
October 30, 1999

My very first Trick-or-Treating memory was permanently etched in my mind because of this incident:

My Mom took me up to a porch where a little girl sat proudly by her carved pumpkin. Two little bully boys were threatening to smash her pumpkin. She threw her little body over her pumpkin to protect it. Instead she accidently caved it in herself. The little brats ran off laughing with cruel glee as she sobbed.

I can still remember the looks on the faces: The little girl's look of dismay over what she had done, the broad grins on the faces of the little boys, and my mother's strange expression - a kind of combination of stunned sympathy.

With time I came to understand that sometimes kids who wouldn't normally act like bullies might go along with cruel suggestions from peers. Maybe each little boy secretly felt bad about what happened and really wanted to tell the little girl he was sorry... Maybe alone neither boy would have threatened what the little girl treasured. I also came to understand that small children often blame themselves totally for tragedies they had little or no control over.

Not all "pro-choice" men are bullies; some genuinely care about women and think legalized abortion is needed/wanted by women. And a lot of people (male & female) still have not learned the many ways that abortion is harmful. Some "pro-choice" men are probably afraid to say or think too much about abortion. It's considered a "woman's issue". They are expected to just "support" a woman's "right to choose" abortion and keep their feelings to themselves. They see constant reminders of how pro-choice women treat pro-life men and they don't want to subject themselves to that. Besides, they have no legal right to prevent their own unborn babies from being aborted so it might seem obvious to them that what they think or say doesn't matter much.

And you have to admit that the "boys will be boys" attitude is actively promoted in our society. It's even considered normal for males to "sow some wild oats" before settling down with one woman. One has to admit that the idea of a male remaining a virgin until marriage is considered kind of strange. Women who refuse to have sex before marriage are often thought of as "manipulative" or "prudish". So basically, society expects females (in general) to provide sex to males who are expected (in general) to "play the field". While nobody seems to want to talk about it, MOST of our own daughters end up being the fertile "field" where those "wild oats" get "sown"!

But some pro-choice men are the same kind of jerks who would have pressured a woman to have an illegal abortion. And since the legalization of abortion, the percentage of guys acting that way has increased. Some men think they are entitled to sex minus any responsibilities. Some men even think they are entitled to the use a non-pregnant female body for their own sexual gratification and view abortion as a handy way to return the object of their desire to a non-pregnant state on demand. Some men bully women into aborting and laugh at the sorrow this causes women. Of course those type of males get to wear the nice-sounding label of "pro-choice" too.

I think the current leaders of the "feminist" groups have taken a detour. Instead of objecting to the way some irresponsible males behave, they thought it would be fun/fair to enable women to be just as sexually promiscuous. So instead of viewing women as equal to the best of men, they conceded that women really are inferior, that they can only be expected to behave like the worst of men. Instead of demanding better behavior from males, they demanded lower standards for females. While the oft-quoted justifications dominate the debate, it's not impossible to find choicer females willing to admit that they want abortion to stay legal for no better reason than they desire to escape responsibility the way some males have.

But women have not found "free sex" to be nearly as much fun or problem free as promised. Women (and their babies) are being expected to pay tragic costs to maintain the illusion of "free sex". Males are less affected by abortion's aftermath. While I won't deny that males can experience deep depression when their unborn babies are aborted (IF they can overcome the immense societal pressure that they pretend abortion is none of their business and no big deal) males are not rendered infertile or killed at abortion clinics; males never require emergency surgical repair after an abortion or have to spend time in an intensive care unit because of post-abortion complications. Males are not more likely to have their future babies die from a miscarriage, stillbirth or ectopic pregnancy because one of their babies was aborted (unless of course they actually stay in a relationship with the woman who had the abortion - not the way it typically works out by the way).

Now back to the looks on the faces from that Halloween night long ago... I see those same looks on faces today: I see women dismayed when they realize what they've done to their own precious babies; I see bullies laughing at the women who are suffering post-abortion depression. Even other women sometimes make fun of post-abortion grief. Instead of acknowledging the real source of the tragedy they try to shame and humiliate those who admit regret into silence. They want to blame the grieving post-aborted women alone. This would be analogous to condemning the little girl for accidently smashing her own pumpkin - insisting she pretend it was all her idea and what she really "chose" to do - while ignoring the little bully boys altogether. I also see that look of confused pity on the faces of those who don't quite know how to respond to post-abortion depression. I wish my mother had collected her thoughts quickly enough to comfort that little girl and to assure her that it was not her fault. I hope pro-lifers can learn from post-aborted (POST-DENIAL) women how important it is that they speak up on the behalf of the women that choicers are bullying.

And I hope that other women will join the growing movement to reject abortion as something we "want" or "need". Demanding the right to have our own unborn babies killed is no closer to the reality of what women REALLY want/need than if that little girl would have pretended the demise of her jack-o-lantern was what she desired all along.

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