An invitation for a gender feminist

By Lara
Featured Rightgrrl November 1998
November 13, 1998

Sometimes I wonder if modern feminists even notice the progress that women have made in the last century. In spite of incredible progress in gaining civil rights, many modern feminists still behave as if women don't even have the right to vote yet. It is as if gaining the right to vote and work outside the home means nothing. It is as if the women who now make up more than half of the college graduates each year are still denied any education at all. Instead of recognizing the gains made and planning positive future progress, these "feminists" seem to stay in perpetual whine mode and only complain about what has not been done without doing anything to make a positive change.

I had a run-in with a rather extreme gender feminist who said that I was anti-woman because, God forbid, I am a Southern Baptist who believes in the Biblical model of the family and plans to practice Biblical submission if marriage ever happens. She refused to see any of my pro-woman online material or even read any of my posts defending other women's issues. As far as she was concerned, my *consensual* decision to practice *Biblical* submission within *my own home* to *my own future husband* meant there was no way I could possibly be pro-woman, much less take strong stands as a feminist. IMO, that's as ridiculous as saying that people in consensual BDSM relationships have no right to work against domestic violence.

I realized that this woman was just too angry and too locked into a victim mentality to deal with, so I turned the tables on her. I was completely serious about the offer I made her, but... well, you read this yourself!

Tue Aug 25, 1998 (10:51) from Sehlat
You know what, maybe I'm being too hard on B**** R***. I don't know where she lives, so maybe her situation is harder than mine.

See, I live in a place called Nashville, Tennessee, in a country called the United States of America. Women have had the right to vote for almost 80 years. Men and women alike have First Amendment rights. I am free to have my apartment, my car, my credit cards, and my bank accounts in my name. No man's name is on any of my stuff. I moved here without permission from any man because I didn't need it. I changed churches in part because of the way women were treated in my old church, and I currently attend a church where women and men serve as equals. I date a wonderful man who does not abuse me, and actually does treat me very well. Nearly all of my in-town friends are male, and they don't do anything bad to me either (OK, Andy annoys me... but that's not a male-only thing.) My mother and grandmother have always had the right to vote, my mother and grandmother both worked alongside men, both always had a say in their households when they were married, and my life isn't any different except for I'm not married. I work with four men and I'm treated just like one of them. I asked for and got the pay rate I wanted. Here's the kicker... I live in a conservative part of the US!

I know this society isn't perfect. Some men get threatened by women, some men are abusive, some men are rapists, some men are just plain jerks. I can't blame it on some "white male culture", because there is nothing that unifies the bad guys from my male friends, coworkers, and church family except for that they stand up to pee. Rather than blame it on some mythical white male culture, rather, it is the universal problem called sin that causes problems for all of us, men and women alike. In any event, I don't have to hang out with or work for men who treat me as a second-class citizen. I am not locked into my job or forced to stay in certain social circles.

I don't know where you live, BR, but I'd be happy to send you an apartment guide and send some URLs of business that are hiring. I know the local universities always need employees. I've experienced oppression from men, sure... but I'm also free from it now because I made my own legal decisions about my life and I recognize the root cause. I really don't think it's just Nashville where these freedoms exist, however. Just come stateside if you're out of the US.

Here's the kicker: This poor, oppressed gender feminist lives in...


This article copyright © 1998 by Lara Ray, and may not be reproduced in any form without the express written consent of its author. All rights reserved.